Saturday, August 25, 2012

Broken children, grown up pain

As I reflect on the journey we began in Colorado, (well the continued journey God is taking and growing us) I am reminded of how words and actions of others when children are children, have a big impact on who they become. God is in charge of all, and redeems the years the locusts ate, and that gives tremendous hope and courage to face the hurts and wounded words.

As a child, I was and still am super tender hearted. That is not a bad thing, but it is bad when others want to verbally abuse you. Throughout my life, I have been put down, slammed down, abused, mistreated, overlooked, and taken advantage of. There has been much shame and lies that I have believed for a long time. When we take the step of faith and are courageous and trust God for who HE is, there is tremendous healing that takes place. I think so often we live in pain that is comfortable. I did for a long time. I lived in pain cause I knew the pain, and knew how to get by with it. But the amazing thing is when we take steps for healing although its unfamiliar most of the time its better than we expected. The lie that is often believed is that God will abandon us, and bad things will happen, mostly rejection. But, if we lived with rejection our whole life, our filters in our brain perceive everything thru the lens of rejection. The lies are: of course they won't like me, of course they are going to leave me, of course I am unlovable. What A CROCK OF WHOOIE!

For a long time I have been loved by a husband who wants me to know, I am not the lies I believe.  Rather a wonderfully created masterpiece who feels as if I have been dropped, scarred, repainted and tattered.  Yet thru those layers I can see God removing them carefully.  Though I wish God would do as Aslan did to Edmund with a swipe of his paw and remove the 'dragon scales' and restore the ME HE knows is in there.

Can't wait to see what God is going to do.

1 comment:

Jane said...

Hey Becke -- so sorry for what you had to go through! I'm kind of the same way ... many things that hurt as a child still hurt!!! But now I do have a super loving and supportive husband that is helping me through all of that. Makes such a difference! God is doing great things through you!! Sorry I didn't get to see you while you were in CO!